


Disney Princesses Never Had It This Good - Full Moon Edition

by crossroadswrite



Series: The Disney Princess Paradigm [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Multi, Post-Season 2, Witches, nothing ater season 2 happened, remember kids i'm not funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 23:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossroadswrite/pseuds/crossroadswrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the pack gets cursed and everything turns into an embarrassing musical about feelings, especially Stiles' and Derek's feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disney Princesses Never Had It This Good - Full Moon Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ang3lba3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVAN!
> 
> I've had this sitting on my laptop forever and everytime I'd ask Evan what I should write he'd say THIS so here it is finally done for your birthday because you're special like that.
> 
> [Here's the playlist to go along with this mess.](http://8tracks.com/crossroadswrite/disney-princesses-never-had-it-this-good-full-moon-edition) Enjoy the silliness.

As per usual it’s all Derek’s fault.

Well, to be fair, Stiles was the one who tripped over the witch coven’s magic orgy singing circle, but Derek had been the one who pissed them off with his growly face and general grumpiness.

Maybe they should share the blame. Whatever.

All Stiles knows is that it was supposed to be a special holiday for the witches, one where they commune with the joyous world of music or something.

And that’s how they end up cursed for forty eight hours in fancy witch language. Not just him and Derek tough. Apparently this particular curse includes the entire pack.

Derek and Stiles just stand there for a minute, staring after the disappearing witches with the pack glaring at both of them.

“Well,” Stiles says cheerily, clapping his hands, “We’re cursed! Let’s figure out with what.”

As it turns out it, doesn’t take long for them to figure out how the witches cursed them. In fact, it barely takes them ten minutes.

They’re walking back to their cars, Derek in the lead and the pack trailing behind.

Stiles is walking with Erica, both of them unashamedly staring after Derek’s very fine booty.

That’s about when the whistles start coming from all around them.

The pack stops, looking around startled.

 _“Hey yo Stiles,”_ Erica starts, startling at her own words.

_“Say somethin’ at him  
Holla at him.”_

For some reason Stiles chuckles under his breath and opens his mouth to _sing._

_“I got one question  
How do you fit all that in them jeans?”_

He laughs again, eyes still trained on Derek’s butt, ignoring the way the alpha is giving him a very unimpressed glare from over his shoulder.

The song doesn’t stop though and Stiles seems unable to stop himself before he continues.

_“You know what to do with that big fat butt  
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle” _

This time the pack starts whistling to keep rhythm.

 _“Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle_  
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle  
Just a little bit of… swing!  
Patty cake, patty cake  
With no hands  
Got me in the club making wedding plans  
If I take pictures while you do your dance  
I can make you famous on Instagram”

Stiles continues, looking like a deer caught in the headlights when his eyes finally make the track up Derek’s body to meet his flashing red eyes that match the tips of his red ears.

Scott, god bless Scott, the bro to end all of the bros, slaps a hand over Stiles’ mouth and the music  abruptly comes to a stop around them.

There’s an awkward silence, Derek and Stiles embarrassed beyond belief and the rest very valiantly trying not to burst into laughter.

“Well,” Lydia stars, clearing her throat to cover her snickering, “I guess we know what the curse is.”

Jackson lets out an ungraceful snort, “So we’ll have to listen to Stiles singing about Derek’s ass. Remind me to get my phone charged.”

Stiles shoves Scott’s hand away from his mouth, “Just because you’re about to start singing Nickleback it doesn’t mean you have to unload on other people Whittemore,” he snaps.

Jackson goes red on the face, pointing a threatening finger at Stiles just as the music starts up around them.

 _“First things first, I’m the realest_  
Drop this and let the whole world feel it  
And I’m still in the Murda Bizness  
I could hold you down, like I’m giving lessons in physics  
You should want a bad bitch like this”

 Jackson sneers aggressively, gesturing down at himself.

 _“Drop it low and pick it up just like this_  
Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris  
High heels, somethin’ worth a half ticket on my wrist  
Takin’ all the liquor straight, never chase that  
Rooftop like we bringin’ ’88 back  
Bring the hooks in, where the bass at?  
Champaign spillin’, you should taste that”

 Stiles breaks first, doubling over and starting to laugh hysterical as Jackson keeps singing aggressively at him. And really if it weren’t for Scott holding him up Stiles would be rolling on the floor because this – this! – is hilarious.

 _“I’m so fancy_  
You already know  
I’m in the fast lane  
From L.A. to Tokyo  
I’m so fancy  
Can’t you taste this gold?  
Remember my na-“

Lydia slaps a hand over his mouth, putting Jackson out of his misery as the instrumental abruptly cuts off.

Stiles falls over to the woods’ floor and rolls around, clutching his belly.

“Oh my god!” he wheezes, “Jackie!  You’re totally right, anyone would be lucky to have a bad bitch like you.”

Erica collapses against a tree, Derek presses his lips together in an attempt to not laugh and the rest of the pack is just snickering and trying to swallow down their giggles.

Derek glares at Stiles pointedly.

“What?! Bad bitch! It’s funny ‘cause he turns into a dog.”

And just like that he collapse in on himself laughing again, he’s pretty sure that Isaac falls over laughing at some point, while Derek just rolls his eyes and waits it out.

Somehow they manage to make it to Lydia’s cottage without anyone breaking into song, which should be considered some kind of accomplishment.

Yeah, Stiles totally deserves a medal for not breaking out ‘I Like The Way You Move’.

They settle in the living room, Derek on the phone with Deaton, talking aggressively while everyone eyes each other suspiciously.

Deaton tells them that they shouldn’t worry. Forty-eight hours of singing won’t kill them, even if the face Derek pulls says otherwise.

Lydia grabs Jackson and hides in their master suite, Erica and Boyd sit cuddled up on the couch together watching some crime show on TV. Stiles is playing on his tablet while Derek reads, his eyes jumping warily up every time anyone even dares to move.

Allison and Scott are being extremely gross, cuddled on the love seat and making out. Isaac is staring longingly at them.

It really shouldn’t surprise anyone when music starts playing in the background.

Everyone freezes and looks at the others, seeing who’s going to begin singing. Stiles immediately recognizes the first chords of the song and his eyes snap to Isaac. _Damn._

 _“Scotty is a friend_  
Yeah I know he’s been a good friend of mine  
But lately something’s changed  
It ain’t hard to define  
Scott got himself a girl  
And I want to make him mine”

Stiles groans and slides down the couch, peeking from behind his tablet at the show Isaac is pulling. Someone should really stop him.

 _“And she’s watching him with those eyes_  
And she’s loving him with that body, I just know it!  
And he’s holding her in his arms, late at night  
You know I wish I was Scotty’s girl  
I wish that I was Scotty’s girl  
Where can I find him, a man like that?”

Stiles gets up to make him shut up, because poor baby Isaac looks just about to die, but something strong as steel wraps around his wrist and stops him short. Erica is holding him back with a gleeful smile.

 _“I’ll play along with this charade_  
That doesn’t seem to be a reason to change  
You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute  
I wanna tell her that I love but the point is probably moot  
Cause she’s watching him with those eyes  
And she’s lovin him with that body, I just know it  
And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night  
You know I wish I was Ally’s girl

Well that’s an interesting turn of events. Is anyone really surprise though? Nope.

 _“I wish I was Ally’s girl_  
Where can I find her a woman like that  
Like Sco-

Scott finally snaps out of his dumbfounded face and clamps a hand over Isaac’s mouth, “I think we need to talk.”

Erica is cackling, leaning heavily against Boyd.

Stiles falls down next to her and snickers. This gonna be good. Finally those three will get their shit together.

Isaac looks like he’s about to die though. He’s never seen him so red faced before. The poor pup looks about three seconds from punching through the wall and bolting to the woods where he can spend the rest of his days howling at the moon or something equally as dramatic.

He lives with Derek after all, only heaven knows what kind of dramatic emo shit he’s been taught.

Allison gives him a dimpled, secretive smile and places a gentle hand in his elbow, “We should take this upstairs.”

“What?” Stiles squeaks, “No guys come on! I sleep in that room with you,” he flails so hard he almost bashes Erica in the head with the tablet.

She snatches his wrist and growls. He waves her off.

“You can bunk with Derek,” Scott says distractedly, taking Isaac’s hand and tugging him upstairs.

Stiles looks warily at Derek. Oh God, he’s so going to get mauled in his sleep.

“Sooo, Derek, Wolfman, Boss, Top Dog, Alpha-“

“I will pay you money to shut up,” Derek bites out.

Stiles shrugs unapologetically, “Just so we’re clear, there’ll be no midnight snacking on Stiles, right?”

Derek barely deigns to lift an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

Erica opens her mouth.

“No,” Boyd says, covering it with his hand. Erica bites it playfully, “I will do the thing you like if you don’t make an innuendo about their sex life.”

“What sex life?” Stiles squawks. Derek just turns red in the ears, which is not adorable. Nope, not even a little bit.

Erica gets this slow predatory smile and the music starts in the background.

“ _Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought_  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts”

Stiles snorts, one hand flying to his mouth.

“ _Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up_  
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds  
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns”

Erica continues, not seeming even a little bit fazed that she’s singing about the sex she’s probably about to have with Boyd.

This should surprise absolutely no one.

“ _Come quicker than FedEx_ ”

“Boyd, make her stop,” Derek demands, looking a lot redder in the face, “I don’t need to hear this,” he huffs, getting up and strolling away.

Stiles decides to give himself to the giggle fit he was losing a fight against, doubling over and cheering Erica on when he can catch his breath.

“ _never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined  
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time”_

Boyd is looking utterly unimpressed with the development of things as usual, letting Erica continue to belt out the lyrics before he throws her over one shoulder and starts walking away. The chorus fading away as they move into their bedrooms.

“ _Do it now_  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Do it again now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”

“Get it, Erica!” Stiles cheers, clutching at his stomach.

The door to Boyd and Erica’s room slams closed, but not before Stiles can hear her yell out “ _Gettin' horny now!”_

It’s a good five minutes before Stiles has calmed down from laughing so hard, Derek having sneaked back into the room and eyeing him unimpressed.

“You done now?”

“Shut up,” Stiles throws at him, picking the tablet back up where it had fallen on the couch and taps at it before a thought occurs to him.

“Hey, can you smell all the sex your pack is having? Isn’t that, like, super weird. Can they smell each other. Do you think Erica gets off on it?”

Derek chokes on air and makes the most hilarious gross face ever, growling at him instead of answering.

“I’m taking that as a yes.”

He flips through his e-mail checking for anything new from Deaton. There’s nothing.

“Have you e-“

“No.”

“You didn’t even know what I was gonna ask!” he says indignantly.

“Whatever it is, no.”

“That’s not fair at all.”

“Stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting,” Stiles pouts.

“Yes you are.”

“Your face is pouting.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes at Derek’s antics, tapping randomly on his tablet, “I’m just glad I can’t hear my pack having sex.”

“You’re a shithead.”

Stiles is a mature adult. Okay, he’s a more or less mature teenager. More or less. Still he has moments of weakness. Like right now, sticking his tongue out at Derek and opening the loudest most obnoxious game he owns.

“It’s so weird everyone is having sex except me. Poor little Stiles left alone with only his hand for company. And an impressive amount of toys, you’d think my dad would check his credit card from time to time but no.”

Derek chokes, face flaming up.

Stiles looks at him with raised eyebrows that clearly state _What now?_ and probably comes out as the Macarena eyebrow dance. He as a dream. A dream of one day being able to talk only in eyebrows like Derek Hale. They could start a club. Groom their eyebrows together. Invite Lee Pace and Peter Capaldi. It’d be grand.

“Not that anyone would even consider sleeping with me unless they were severely drunk or desperate,” he says derisively, tapping away and trying to get the stupid bird in-between the pipes.

Derek makes this angry sound and a familiar set of guitar cords starts on the background.

“What?” Stiles says confusedly just as Derek gets up and jabs an angry finger at him.

“ _You're insecure,_  
Don't know what for,  
You're turning heads when you walk through the door,”

“What?!” Stiles repeats again.

Derek just continues singing looking an odd mix of mortified and angry.

“ _Don't need makeup,_  
To cover up,  
Being the way that you are is enough  
Everyone else in the room can see it,  
Everyone else but you”

“Oh my God,” he breaths out shakily, a little awestruck.

Derek starts stomping away angrily, still singing.

“ _Baby you light up my world like nobody else,_  
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,  
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,  
You don't know,  
Oh oh,”

He throws the door open so forcefully that it breaks from one of the hinges, his voice angrily declaring still, “ _You don't know you're beautiful_ ” just before the door slams behind him and he disappears into the night like the drama queen he is.

“Oh. My. God,” Stiles breathes out, blinking after him. Torn between laughing because Derek just sung One Direction and being awestruck that Derek just sung One Direction at him.

One thing is for sure: Lydia is gonna be pissed about the door.

Stiles sits on the couch, the tablet hanging from his limp hands for about twenty minutes. When it’s clear that Derek isn’t coming back so soon he drags himself to his room and flops on the bed that’s clearly not Derek’s, due to the amount of scarves laying on it.

Derek doesn’t come back at all that night.

Stiles thinks it’s good that he’s out and about in the woods howling at the moon about his secret love for british boy bands constituted solely by twinks.

«»

Blessedly everyone spends around ten hours sleeping, and most of them refuse to even get out of their bedrooms in the morning, reluctant in participating in another round of humiliation.

Unfortunately, the second day turns a little more… focused. Particularly on Stiles. And Derek, who is currently sitting across the breakfast bar aggressively munching on his cereal and glaring at everyone every time they open their mouth, like the power of his glare alone will stop them from starting to sing.

Stiles thinks that _maybe_ with eyebrows like that Derek’s glare will be enough.

Lydia is glaring right back, complaining about her broken door which she is _not_ paying for.

Stiles is trying to avoid looking anywhere, Erica and Isaac at each of his sides. It doesn’t really work though, he keeps stealing glances of Derek across the breakfast bar mainly because 1) Derek Hale and 2) Derek Hale sung One Direction to him.

Music starts playing around them, and he only has time to think _Oh no_ , before Isaac opens his mouth.

_“There you see him  
Sitting there across the way”_

He jolts Stiles shoulder, catching his attention and pointing at Derek.

 _“He don’t got a lot to say_  
But there’s something about him   
And you don’t know why   
But you’re dying to try   
You wanna kiss the boy”

Derek drops his spoon in the bowl and turns wide eyes at Stiles who’s probably five different shades of red.

Erica picks right up where Isaac had left.

_“Yes, you want him_ _  
Look at him, you know you do”_

No, no, no, come on! He has been doing so good lately with the not revealing his embarrassing crush on Derek. Yesterday’s incident totally doesn’t count shut up.

 _“_ _It’s possible he wants you, too_ __  
There is one way to ask him  
It don’t take a word   
Not a single word   
Go on and kiss the boy”

Stiles pushes his chair back forcefully dropping his toast in his plate and walking away, the music fading out as he crosses the living room adjacent to the kitchen and goes for the front door.

Maybe if he goes off into the woods and angst like Derek did last night all will be well.

_“Sing with me now”_

The whole pack starts singing then, because the universe apparently hate Stiles.

 _“Sha-la-la-la-la-la_ __  
My, oh, my  
Look at the guy too shy   
He ain’t gonna kiss the boy   
Sha-la-la-la-la-la   
Ain’t that sad   
Ain’t it shame, too bad   
You gonna miss the boy”

Lydia comes up ahead of him with her arms crossed over her chest, standing in his way with a smug, slightly evil smile. The song cuts off and another one starts immediately.

“Am I being ganged on by an impromptu musical right now?”

How is this his life? Oh yeah, Derek Hale is within a five mile radius, figures weird shit would happen.

 _“Mr independent_  
Mr self-sufficient  
Mr keep your distance  
Mr unafraid”

“Lydia what are you-“

 _“Mr out of my way_  
Mr don't let a man interfere, no  
Mr on his own  
Mr almost grown”

“I’m judging your choice in artist just so you know,” he mutters, trying to side step her but Lydia steps with him and jabs at his chest.

 _“Mr never let a man help him off his throne_  
So, by keeping his heart protected  
Hee'd never ever feel rejected  
Little mr apprehensive  
Said ooh, he fell in love”

She smiles smugly at him and suddenly two large hands are on his shoulders and spinning him around so he’s facing Derek.

Fucking Boyd.

“I liked you much better when you were just an innocent passive witness,” he tells him, trying to duck away, because this is not a confrontation he wants to have right now.

“This will end faster if you just admit you like each other and we can move on.”

Stiles sighs. Great. Public rejection, that’s exactly what he needs.

It hardly seems fair that he can’t turn tail – ah! turn _tail_ – and run from the situation when Derek did.

He doesn’t even try interfering or fighting it when the music starts around him. This is going to be embarrassing for everyone involved.

 _“Check yes, Juliet_  
Are you with me?  
Rain is falling down on the sidewalk  
I won't go until you come outside  
Check yes, Juliet”

The song cuts off abruptly when Derek steps forward, shaking his head. Stiles braces himself for the blow.

 _“I walk a lonely road_  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone”

It hits Stiles that that’s not a no. Not at all. He can’t help but feel maybe a little hopeful. Seriously, he should’ve known that when it would be Derek’s turn he’d sing something like _this_ , the self-martyrizing idiot.  
  
 _“I walk this empty street_  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone”

Stiles dares to take one step closer; the music changes around them again and he answers Derek’s song with another.

After this he’s going to the store and buy himself a Disney princess dress, because that’s all that’s missing in his badly written love story.

 _“This is the story of a boy_  
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world  
And while he looked so sad in photographs  
I absolutely love him  
When he smiles”

Derek opens his mouth like he’s going to counter so Stiles again, the instrumental easily changing.

 _“The way you move is like a full on rainstorm_  
And I'm a house of cards  
You're the kind of reckless  
That should send me runnin'”

Derek takes a step back, jaw set. Stiles steps forward with him because Derek Hale is an idiot who probably thinks he’s rejecting him or something, always too quick to jump to all the wrong conclusions.

 _“But I kinda know that I won't get far_  
And you stood there in front of me  
Just close enough to touch  
Close enough to hope you couldn't see  
What I was thinking of  
  
Drop everything now  
Meet me in the pouring rain  
Kiss me on the sidewalk  
Take away the pain  
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile  
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down  
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile”

Derek is looking at him cautiously, a slow almost reluctant smile trying to break free. He takes a step forward, closer to Stiles.

Stiles would fist pump but he feels like that would be inappropriate so he settles for smiling like an idiot.

 _“Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go_  
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)  
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why  
I tried  
  
I tried to read between the lines  
I tried to look in your eyes  
I want a simple explanation  
For what I'm feeling inside  
I gotta find a way out  
Maybe there's a way out”

Figures that Derek’s declaration of sentiment would be some emo bullshit. Stiles can’t help but love him a little more and wonder if Derek Hale was the kind of boy who made angst-y cute mix tapes for his crushes. He probably was.  
  
 _“Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer_  
Do you know you're unlike any other?  
You'll always be my thunder, and I said  
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors  
I don't wanna ever love another  
You'll always be my thun-“

  
Stiles doesn’t let him finish, steps forward and presses their lips together, effectively cutting off the music. Derek kisses back, thank all that is holy, he kisses back slow and steady and perfect like Stiles always images this moment being, even better than he imagined really.

He faintly hears the pack cheek and sigh out their finnalies, but he doesn’t really pay attention, not when Derek is hoisting him up around his waist and carrying him away to their bedroom.

Stiles throws a peace sign towards the general direction of the pack, without interrupting the kiss.

The only thing he’ll regret much later is not being able to witness what else the pack sings or the remaining hours of their curse.

(And maybe singing ‘Hot’ in-between rounds, but no one will be hearing about that one.)


End file.
